» The Undertaker
Now I'm just a plain old country hick,
And I dont mean to make you sick,
But I got a few words I'd like to say.
It's about this undertaker man
Who told me that he had a plan
To put me in the ground on Lay-A-Way.
Well it all started couple year ago
When I met this doctor in O-Hi-O
Who told me that I really had it bad.
He said, "Son, your veins is a-turning blue
And emphysema is a-killing you."
And he said, at most, three months was all I had.
Now friends as you can plainly see,
That scared the HELL right outa me!
And for a month or so I really had the blues.
Then one fine day I took a look
And sure enough, in my phone book
I saw this sign that says, "Come in and Choose!"
"Joe's Undertakers ..We have lots
Of coffins, grass, and burial plots,
And we fix faces back the way they came.
Formaldehyde and alcohol
We'll pickle you, one and all
Black or white, to us youre all the same."
So I went in and set right down
And pretty soon this man came round
Said he'd like to take some measurements.
So I looks at him and says, "Okay."
He starts to measurin' right away,
Measures up sixty-three hundred dollars and nineteen cents!
Now friends, as you can plainly see,
I'm as healthy as any boy could be.
And that doctor, he just sets and wonders why.
So I look at him and I say, "Doc,
I know this comes as quite a shock,
But the truth is, I just can't afford to die!"